Night two of eyes opened and no sleep

Here I lay all sorts of things running through my head and for the second night in a row I will have no sleep, which will lead to having a migraine at work, praying that my dr gets a cancellation so I can get in to see her for another occipital block. It’s a shitty life I tell ya. Plus this house is to fucking big for 1 person and I just am not sure I want to live here anymore.

A friend read last nights blog and thought all is well. It’s funny when you write something that actually has so much more meaning than the mere 30 seconds of eye to eye contact with JL. Yes I know there are people who think that OMG eye to eye?

My message had a lot more to it, and I shake my head as I write this. Shallow anyone?

I have another friend that I wish with all my heart and soul that I could help her. Sure we live a land apart and sometimes I have gotten the feeling that I was more her friend then she was mine but to me that is ok because its hard to be my friend and if she liked me even a smidgen of how much I like her then that’s ok with me. She has been trying to sell her house for 5 years! That’s a long fucking time. Putting it on the market when she did was not a great time because the world was going broke. More people didn’t have jobs than did. Heck there was a time she didn’t have a job! But she is a fighter and she persevered and made it here with a great job, new house but this apartment lingering there, reminding her of her past, not letting her move forward with her life. I so wish I could help. If  ever was to win the lottery yes, I would buy that apartment from her just to set her free of its chains.

I have more friends abroad i have come to realize than here in the states. In Switzerland, Italy, Austria, Germany, France, London, Sweden, Finland, Australia and New Zealand. I would love to travel and see everyone of them in their country and have them show me their country, not the tourist part.

I have American friends, some very true friends who are here for me no matter what time if day, and LOL she knows that she can call me whenever she wants because she has. The disappointing thing is that I can count how many true friends I have here in the USA on both my hands with fingers to spare probably. How utterly sad it that. I will end up an old woman sitting home alone sad and pathetic. And I can guarantee that will be the last day I will be here on this earth.

I am laughing again because once again this blog really doesn’t say anything. What I had hoped people would read and understand from yesterdays blog, well they just didn’t  think anything I am saying could possibly pertain to them.  OMG I know so many stuck up “friends” I am sitting her laughing because when I was in high school, I refused to associate with like 30% of the people I do now. So what the fuck is wrong with me? When did I lower my standards? I haven’t a clue. But I think I need to do deep thinking and no matter how hard the decision is well I need to go back to my standards because the people who I really cared about I have alienated and put them on the back burner. No more.

Perhaps all these negative people around me are the reason why I have such terrible headaches, no sleep and no energy to workout.

So thank you peeps for trudging through this mundane blog.  I do have to say that I was listening to Thirty Seconds to Mars “Love Lust Faith+Dreams” Particularly “Conquistador, City of Angels and The Race”. No this album is NOT as good as the Self Titled but it is by far the second best album they have ever made.

Also here is a few pictures of Greyson because he is just too cute not to share.

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