As I sit here day after day, watching the excitement increase as the release of the single draws near… the excitement can be felt even through the airwaves. It’s unbearable to see because even though twitter has lied to me, tricked me, given me false hope, in reality I know I am not.
So as once I was just someone looking in a window with desire at all the precious things inside, now I am looking into space at a universe that I will never belong to. A place that I once got to call my own as well. A place that wanted me, that wrapped their arms around me when I was cold, or sad. Offered a hug when needed and we could celebrate all the greatness together and were each others rock when things were tough.
The friendships, the sisterhood, the family, as I now look into the stars and see all that buzzing about. I wave, but no one sees me for I am a ghost to all. Sometimes someone may say “hmm did I see something?” and then shrug their shoulders and move along with the party.
As the excitement builds, I die just a little bit, the excitement is a chisel chipping away at my very soul. It wont be long now there will be nothing left but a few scattered pieces of a person that used to be. Some people at first may say “hey remember that girl…..?” But that will even stop with time. Hopes and dreams that were squashed so long ago are just a distant memory. I look down at my wrist, today I am wearing a bracelet given to me by someone who I respected and truly thought was a person of honor. Today will be the last day it is worn. For that too burns my skin with the memories of the past, the lies, the false promises, the knife in the back.
My hope is that one day I go to bed and just don’t wake up.