I have this love/hate relationship with this time of year. I love the lights, the smells and giving gifts to the ones I love. I especially like getting cards from friends. I actually keep them posted the entire year and look at them. Gives me a sense of feeling (however false it is..) that there are those who are thinking about me.
I cant help but be sad thinking about a certain person(s) who took the wind out of my sail and knocked me off my feet just a few weeks back. Completely by surprise. I saw a shooting star this evening and all I wanted was for Christmas was to be allowed back into the family that I loved to dearly. This quote has been said so many times “Tomo’s the soul, Shannon’s the heart, Jared’s the brain, The Echelon are the veins, This is the life on Mars.” I feel like my artery has been cut.
So while I sit here on Christmas, missing everyone oh so much I wonder and wish just wish with all my heart and being that someone would just be honest and tell me. I now people who are reading this are probably thinking just get over it whats the big deal, well let me tell you something, when you have been a part of something (a community, a family) for a decade, you just cant walk away. Its part of your life it’s what you love. It truly is losing an entire family in one fail swoop!
It’s also strange because 2 of my kids are not home for Christmas this year since it’s in the middle of the week. So they only get Christmas day off. Which sucks because for those of you who know me it’s also my birthday, so it will be strange. We bought a smaller tree this year due to Kory not being home and him wanting the biggest tree on the lot…. Love you Kory :)h
Sally (Kyles boxer) is also missing, she died of cancer in May, she is still here in spirit but I miss her very much. Kiba (Korys husky) misses her too. Missing all of the animals I have lost in the past. Miss all the friends and family that I have lost along the way to where I am here today.
Tomorrow is my birthday, tomorrow is Christmas.
If I could have one wish it would be forgiveness……
I hope all the people who read this have a wonderful Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate.
Love to all