Day 4 still kicking

No relief yet from said migraine that started days ago. Weird that I am coming up on the anniversary of when I first got the constant migraines and cluster headaches that ended me up in the hospital and on the plethora of meds I am on today. The thing I didn’t want most in the world was to be on a shit ton of meds. So it’s quite depressing. It’s funny because I remember the night so well. It was seeing SDC at Bar Sinister and there just wasnt a lot of ventilation Adam was playing a chain saw on a washer, the bar had run out of Raspberry vodka so they made me this grapefruit concoction and between the two I was a goner.  The other night a bartender mentioned she loved grapefruit and vodka and I was instantly taken back to that night. It was awful. I love SDC and will never stop seeing them as long as they will have me.

As far as the other issue in my life it hasn’t changed. Still hated by the band I love, followed around the world and can’t understand why. No one has the courage to actually tell me, the people know that I wont go telling the world why yet nothing. Its frustrating but mostly heartbreaking.  How depressing it is to get removed from a family like that, no word, no warning nothing. Till my dying day I will wonder. Unless I decide to gather up enough courage to just knock on the fucking door and ask.

On another note, this other band well they really do seem to care and appreciate me. I hope to God they really aren’t streaming along. I sometimes wonder if one of them is just going through the motions but perhaps its just me. The other 2 seem to really be happy to see me.  I am trying to stay positive. My friend who I think very highly of has always said that if I put negativity out there that’s what I will get back so I am trying to put positive energy out there on all levels. Perhaps that should be my New Years Resolution.P1250492P1250499

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